Finding The Will to Write

I have been avoiding this blog worse than my journals, and that needs to stop. But it is kind of complicated. I don’t know if you’ve heard, we’re kind of dealing with a global pandemic. I am still unfortunately trapped in the United States which is probably the worst place to be regardless of who you are, but especially if you are Black, Latinx, queer, and a woman. The depression and anxiety is real.

However, I have words dancing around in my head. They shout and whisper and buzz at all hours of the day. I have ignored them for months. I can’t anymore.

Being creative is hard. I am proud of every content creator, writer, artist, etc. that I know who is fighting whatever internal and external demons in their lives while still pushing out their work. I want to be proud of myself in the same way, and to some degree I am. I have been working on a book that feels too long to be just a book, so chances are that I will cut it into parts.

If it ever sees the light of day in a bookstore is still questionable, but I have always been selfish with my thoughts so it stands to reason I am fairly selfish with my art as well. I always surprise myself when I am able to share a poem or a character idea. Maybe my challenge should be to give more of myself and be vulnerable. Expose my inner thoughts and see what others say in response. It is a terrifying thought, especially with the constant hatred and vitriol constantly spewed online. But if I can do it on Twitter, I can make it in long form. I believe in myself a bit more now than I once did. Is this what it means to enter a new decade? Please ignore that my birthday was in February, I am known for my delayed reactions and mental processes.

This long rambling post to say I am going to be posting more. A promise I have made in the past. Let’s see if I can keep it this time.


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