There is nothing more impossible, even now in 2018, than asking to see myself on the television screen. As an asexual woman loving Afro-Caribbean Latinx woman, the chances of me seeing myself for a accumulation of those pieces in one person alone on a television series or in film is like asking for the sun, moon, and stars as well as a billion dollars. It’s totally possible! The probability of it is definitely there, but I shouldn’t hold my breath either. So I break those pieces down, and find comfort in characters that sort of resemble who I am. I look for Afro-Latinx, Black, or brown characters, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. I look for queer folks, regardless of racial/ethnic identity or gender identity. I find empowerment with any characters who could be genderqueer or androgynous because I can identify with them as well as female identified people. I cast a broad net and find a bit of myself with everyone because it’s the only way I’ll be able to see something of myself on screen. It’s been that way my whole life.
Imaginary friends are the OG original characters before fan fiction ever became a thing after the internet blew up. The following is a scene in my mind if I ever had the chance to introduce my two favorite imaginary friends together (this is definitely still a work in progress):
Wary eyes glared at each other from across the room. Ice blue locked on dark brown, both filled with judgement and more than a hint of dislike. It wasn’t about who came first, but about who did the most for their creator. Who held her when she cried as a child versus who destroyed her enemies now when the world became too much. Protectors, they both were, but friends. Did they know friendship outside what was designed in them? Love? Could they understand the dichotomy they represented in the mind of someone who once saw herself as righteous compared to the realist, the grey, the demon who wasn’t really a demon as much as a djinn with too much fire, too much power, and not enough morality to care what she did with it. Both pairs of eyes rolled. She was thinking too much again, they said without words. They didn’t need words. Just smug smirks of understanding. Of acknowledgement. No, they’d not ever be friends. They both thought they knew best, wanted to be the sole protectors and providers. Their creator apologizes, has apologized, for that glitch in their matrix. She hadn’t wanted them to become as she was: a servant, a server, a provider. But broad shoulders shrugged off her useless sentiments, not in anger but acceptance. They were who they were and happy with their places in life. One, a dark knight, a paladin, with a righteous fury that slashed at her creator’s enemies with a broadsword and held evil at bay. Another, the djinn, a creature of fire and nature, a destructive force that brushed off what was considered right or wrong and thought only of what was wanted, who catered to her creator’s every whim because why the fuck not? Continue reading “A Scene Between Original Characters”
If there is one thing people notice fairly quickly while getting to know me, my mom is an important part of my life. She is the head of my tiny immediate family, and will soon be a very important matriarch in my extended family (technically, she already is but that’s another tale). Family drilled its importance into my head from a very early age, usually to my own detriment although I know that wasn’t the intention. But good intentions sometimes lead to bad decisions, and I freely admit I made bad decisions thinking about how it would help my family without thinking about how it would hurt me.
2017 has been and continues to be a crazy year globally, nationally, and locally. In my own personal life, it has been a year of learning and growth. After two weeks of practicing the art of saying no, the audience being my own self-control and impulse to buy the newest fountain pen or shimmering ink to match said pen, I am increasing my goal of saying no and putting a goal and purpose to it.
I am not old. Almost 28, and yet I’ve helped in raising a lot of my younger cousins. This weekend I discovered, as most parents usually find out, that my kiddos are getting older and becoming adults. And I hate it.
I have accepted that as an Afro-Latina who identifies as queer, asexual, and homoromantic/lesbian, I am a triple strike. Or quadruple or whatever the number may be. My name has always immediately identified me as other because Erisel Cruz is in no way a white name. But in reality, I am not scared for me.
I am scared for my brother who is Afro-Latino, and damn proud of his Blackness. I am scared because he used to be (probably still is but won’t tell me) stopped by the police for “looking Middle-Eastern”. I am scared because (God bless) he found his truth in Islam (and I could not be more proud, regardless of our “opposing faiths”). Because now he’s a “Middle-Eastern looking”, loud and proud Black man with a non-white name who worships the same God I worship but in a different tongue and style. And the only thing that might keep him safe is his uniform because to this country, at least he’s useful through his service but God forbid he tries to walk down the street in a hoodie instead of Army greens. Continue reading “I Am Scared”
I have two main addictions if you ignore Pokemon (which you cannot, so bump that two to a three): television & books. Okay, in essence one addiction: stories. I love stories. I love crappy stories from SyFy (come on, Sharknado was kind of funny in a sad, pathetic, sexist way), I love realistic fiction like L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables series, and I especially love Fantasical stories from the Harry Potter series (the books, don’t start me on the movies…they were okay, I guess) to Netflix’s adaptation to the Seven Deadly Sins. Stories are my life’s blood.
Since I want to post my stories here, my writing as a whole, I’d love to be able to talk about other stories and perhaps even entertain a conversation on them. Maybe I can convince you to watch something new, pick up a new book (or download it to a Kindle, I love my Paperwhite), or we can talk about our favorite relationships/friendships/all the ships. All in good fun, of course. I am certainly not here for senseless arguments, and I try to be objective whenever possible and stay respectful.
So! I will be posting reviews every now and then on different television shows, books, games and movies; getting a feel for a different kind of writing than what I am used to and I hope whoever stumbles upon this humble blog of mine will find something interesting.
Ta ta for now, and remember to always look on the bright side!
Greetings and salutations!
I’m Erisel and I welcome you to the beginning of a new me. Now, knowing me before January 2016 is not a prerequisite, so don’t panic. You’ll learn plenty in the days and posts to come.
This site, I hope, will be the stepping stone for me as a web developer and writer. As of this month, I have spent 7 months honing my skills as the former and 18 years as the latter. Here, I will showcase my work with both and it’s my goal to learn and grow more.
January has flown by quickly but with a bushel of blessings. Biggest blessing: Becoming Web Administrator for Teh Lunchbox Publications, of whom I am a BIG fan. Some other blessings: being accepted into Southern New Hampshire University’s MBA in Information Technology program, beginning a Writing Fiction course that has been so much fun, and learning about FutureLearn.com where I am taking said Writing Fiction course and will be taking other writing courses for journalism and social media (for free!).
There are so many other blessings that I cannot list simply because I will be here for too long (I’m always looking for silver linings). But suffice to say, January has been a drive-by month of awesome and 2016 is looking shiny and hopeful.
Signing off for now. Remember to always look on the bright side!